I talk to many couples that are not getting along. They are constantly fighting in their relationship. One of the things that I always see is a lack of communication. I will talk to the wife and she begins to tell me how lazy her man is. He never does the dishes, or the laundry, or gives the kids a bath. She says he always seems to be working and never spends time with me. Then I talk to the man and he starts complaining that she never cooks, or cleans, and she is always nagging about me trying to make a life for my family. I have come to an incredible conclusion. Are you ready for this? Men and women think differently. Took me 40 years to come to that conclusion. Well. I have to admit. I always knew it, but I just never did anything about it.
So here is what happens in a relationship. They keep going round and round getting deeper and deeper in a pattern. “Well if she is not going to do what I want, I am not going to do what she wants and vice versa” It gets worse and worse until they finally part their ways.
So what can be done? If both have realized that something needs to be done. I will talk to them separately. I will give them a task for 2 months. That task is to start to do what he/she wants. WHAT? This is usually very hard for them to swallow. If is it just one that is trying to fix the marriage, they have to do this alone. It usually takes awhile for the partner to see the changes, but somewhere in the 2 months, you start to see the change. The other starts to reciprocate the favors and show their appreciation. You start to feel the warm feeling in your heart for giving to your mate. You will begin to search for ways to make them feel special. You now find yourself in a loving marriage. A marriage where it is about what you can give, not receive.
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